Mindfulness and Sex: The Secret Ingredient to a Fulfilling Love Life

Imagine if the path to a better sex life didn’t start in the bedroom, but in the mind. That’s the radical insight at the heart of 'Come As You Are.' Dr. Emily Nagoski shows that mindfulness—the simple act of paying attention, kindly and without judgment—can unlock desire, heal old wounds, and transform intimacy.



Mindfulness isn’t about achieving a blank mind or forcing yourself to feel aroused. It’s about noticing what’s happening—your thoughts, your emotions, your body sensations—and accepting them as they are. This acceptance is powerful: it interrupts cycles of shame, avoidance, and negative self-talk that so often undermine sexual well-being.

The book provides practical exercises for bringing mindfulness into daily life. The raisin meditation teaches you to slow down and savor, while body scans help you gently notice sensations in every part of your body—including those you might usually ignore. These practices are accessible to everyone, even if you’ve never meditated before. The key is consistency and self-kindness, not perfection.



Nagoski’s approach is deeply compassionate. She acknowledges that many women avoid situations that might lead to sex—not out of lack of love, but because of anxiety or past pain. Mindfulness helps break this avoidance by offering a safe space to notice and accept what’s happening, without pressure to change. Over time, this gentle awareness opens the door to new experiences of pleasure and connection.

The benefits go far beyond sex: women who practice mindfulness report feeling calmer, more hopeful, and kinder to themselves. They discover that the skills that nurture desire—curiosity, presence, acceptance—also enrich every aspect of life.

If you’re looking for a way to deepen intimacy, heal from the past, or simply feel more at home in your body, mindfulness is the secret ingredient you’ve been searching for. 2 3 4