7 Shocking Signs Your Family is Dysfunctional (And What To Do About It!)

Have you ever wondered if your family is a little too secretive, or if the constant tension you feel is actually a sign of something deeper? Family dysfunction isn’t always about screaming matches or dramatic scenes—sometimes, it’s the silence, the denial, or the unspoken rules that do the most damage. In this guide, inspired by Nedra Glover Tawwab’s bestselling book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, we’ll explore the hidden signs of family dysfunction and offer practical steps for healing.



1. Secrecy and Denial: Many dysfunctional families operate under a code of silence. Problems are swept under the rug, and family members are discouraged from speaking openly about their feelings or experiences. This culture of denial can make it difficult to recognize abuse, neglect, or unhealthy patterns.

2. Emotional Neglect: If your family rarely discusses emotions or you were taught to suppress your feelings, you may have grown up emotionally neglected. This often leads to difficulties in expressing needs and forming healthy relationships as an adult.

3. Codependency: Are you always rescuing a sibling or parent, or do you feel responsible for everyone’s happiness? Codependency is a common, but often overlooked, sign of dysfunction. It can leave you exhausted and disconnected from your own needs.

4. Unspoken Rules: Dysfunctional families often have unspoken rules: 'Don’t talk about it,' 'Don’t feel,' or 'Don’t trust outsiders.' These rules keep everyone stuck in unhealthy roles and prevent growth.

5. Lack of Boundaries: Healthy families respect each other’s privacy and autonomy. If your family regularly invades your space, makes you feel guilty for setting limits, or expects you to share everything, boundaries may be lacking.

6. Role Reversals: In some families, children are forced to become caretakers for their parents or siblings. This 'parentification' can rob children of their childhood and create long-term emotional stress.

7. Repeating Patterns: Dysfunction often repeats across generations. If you notice the same issues—addiction, financial instability, emotional distance—appearing in your family tree, it’s a sign that deeper healing is needed.

What Can You Do?

• Seek Awareness: Journaling and therapy can help you uncover hidden patterns.
• Set Boundaries: Start small—say 'no' when you mean it, and protect your time and energy.
• Break the Silence: Find a trusted friend, support group, or therapist to talk about your experiences.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Healing takes time. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate old wounds.

Remember: recognizing dysfunction is the first step toward freedom. You’re not alone—and you have the power to change your story.



For more insights and practical advice, check out Nedra Glover Tawwab’s official site and her expert interviews in The New York Times. 1 2