How Childhood Wounds Sabotage Your Love (And How to Finally Heal)

Have you ever wondered why you keep repeating the same painful patterns in love? Why you’re drawn to unavailable partners, or why you panic when someone gets too close? According to David Richo, the answers are hidden in your earliest years. The way you were loved—or not loved—by your caregivers set the blueprint for every relationship you’ll have as an adult.

Richo explains that when children don’t receive enough of the Five A’s—Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing—they grow up with invisible wounds. These wounds show up as a fear of abandonment, a craving for approval, or a sense that they’re never quite enough. The body remembers what the mind forgets: a tightening in the chest, a restless longing, a tear that comes out of nowhere.

But the good news is, healing is always possible. The first step is awareness—recognizing your patterns and tracing them back to their roots. Maybe you notice that you shut down when criticized, or that you chase love from people who can’t give it. These are clues from your inner child, asking for the Five A’s you missed.

Richo offers practical tools for healing: mindfulness, self-compassion, and the practice of ‘re-parenting’—giving yourself the attention, acceptance, and care you needed all along. Instead of blaming your partner (or yourself), you learn to be your own loving witness, to hold your pain with gentleness, and to offer yourself the Five A’s in daily life.

The blog shares real-life stories of transformation—people who broke free from toxic cycles, who learned to love themselves and others with new eyes. It also explains why healing is a lifelong process, with setbacks and breakthroughs along the way. What matters is not perfection, but the willingness to stay present, to keep learning, and to celebrate every step forward.

If you want to change your relationships, start by healing your relationship with yourself. The journey may be long, but the rewards—freedom, joy, and real intimacy—are worth every step.