The Likeability Penalty: Why Ambitious Women Still Face Backlash (and What to Do About It)

Imagine two resumes, identical in every way except for the name: Howard and Heidi. In a landmark study, both were seen as competent, but Howard was liked, while Heidi was seen as selfish and less likable. This is the likeability penalty—a double bind that persists in workplaces around the world. 2

Women who assert themselves, negotiate for higher pay, or take credit for their achievements often face social penalties. They may be labeled as 'bossy,' 'difficult,' or 'ungrateful.' . This paradox forces women to walk a tightrope, balancing warmth with competence, often at the cost of authenticity and energy.

Sandberg suggests strategies for navigating this minefield: using communal language, providing legitimate reasons for requests, and being 'relentlessly pleasant.' But these tactics require emotional labor and constant self-monitoring. The real solution lies in changing workplace cultures and expectations—making it normal and acceptable for women to be ambitious and assertive.
Allies and leaders can help by calling out bias, celebrating women’s achievements, and creating environments where everyone can thrive. The more women there are in leadership, the less likeability becomes a scarce resource. Until then, awareness and collective action are key to breaking the paradox for good. 3