Missing Out Is Inevitable—And That’s Good News: Lessons from Midlife Philosophy

Why Every Choice Means Saying Goodbye—and How to Make Peace with It

In a world obsessed with options, FOMO (fear of missing out) is a constant companion. But as we reach midlife, the reality sets in: we can’t do it all. Every choice we make closes off countless other paths. This can be a source of regret—but it can also be a source of meaning. In 'Midlife: A Philosophical Guide,' Kieran Setiya argues that missing out is not a flaw in the human experience, but a feature. It’s what makes our lives unique and meaningful.

Philosophers call this the incommensurability of values: you can’t directly compare the worth of being a doctor, an artist, or a parent. Choosing one means giving up others, but that loss is the price of a rich, fully-lived life. Nostalgia for youth often distorts our memories, making us forget the anxiety and confusion of not knowing who we would become. Instead of mourning lost possibilities, Setiya suggests we embrace the fullness of our actual lives—the relationships, projects, and moments that make us who we are.

Psychological studies support this view: people who accept their choices and focus on gratitude are happier and more resilient. The key is not to eliminate regret, but to see it as a sign that you care about your life. By zooming in on the specifics—cherished relationships, meaningful work, small joys—we can reconcile with the past and move forward with peace.

So the next time you feel the pang of missing out, remember: it’s a sign that your life is rich with possibility. Embrace your journey, with all its twists and turns, and find meaning in the path you’ve chosen. 3 4