The Secret Contracts of Nice Guys: Why Your Relationships Feel One-Sided

Unmasking the Hidden Deals That Sabotage Love and Friendship

Have you ever felt resentful after going out of your way for someone, only to have your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated? You may be operating under a covert contract—a silent agreement you never actually discussed. In No More Mr. Nice Guy, Dr. Robert Glover exposes these hidden deals as one of the most destructive forces in relationships.

Covert contracts are the Nice Guy’s secret weapon and his greatest curse. They sound like, 'If I’m always there for you, you’ll love me,' or 'If I never ask for anything, you’ll never leave me.' These agreements are never spoken aloud, yet they shape every interaction, creating a web of expectations and disappointments.

Why do covert contracts fail? Because no one else knows they exist! When expectations are unmet, Nice Guys feel betrayed and unappreciated, leading to cycles of anger, withdrawal, and even sabotage. Partners and friends are left confused, sensing something is wrong but unable to put their finger on it.

Breaking free from covert contracts requires radical honesty—first with yourself, then with others. Start by noticing when you’re giving with strings attached. Ask yourself, 'What am I hoping to get in return?' Practice expressing your needs directly, even if it feels uncomfortable. Clear communication, not silent sacrifice, is the foundation of healthy relationships.

Real-life exercises from the book include journaling about your hidden expectations, role-playing honest conversations, and setting small boundaries to build confidence. Over time, these practices transform relationships from transactional to authentic, replacing resentment with trust and intimacy.

Remember, vulnerability is not weakness. Sharing your needs and feelings openly invites others to do the same, deepening connection and mutual respect.

For more on the psychology of covert contracts and how to break them, see this review and detailed notes on Reddit.