The Truth About Jealousy: How Open Relationships Turn Envy into Growth

From Green-Eyed Monster to Heartfelt Joy: Lessons from 'Opening Up'

Jealousy: the word alone can send a chill down the spine of even the most secure partner. We’re taught to fear it, to hide it, or to let it fester until it poisons our love. But what if jealousy could be a gift? In 'Opening Up,' Tristan Taormino shows that jealousy is not a sign of failure, but a natural emotion that can lead to profound self-discovery and stronger bonds.

Unlike the conventional wisdom that tells us to avoid or suppress jealousy, Taormino encourages readers to face it with curiosity. She explains that jealousy often masks deeper needs—attention, validation, security, or a fear of abandonment. By naming these feelings and sharing them openly, partners can offer each other reassurance and support.

One of the most inspiring concepts in the book is 'compersion'—the joy of seeing your partner happy with someone else. While it may sound impossible at first, many people in open relationships report developing compersion over time. They describe a sense of pride and delight in their partner’s happiness, knowing it doesn’t diminish their own worth or connection.

Practical tools abound: journaling, regular check-ins, and seeking support from friends or therapists. Communication is key—sharing fears, asking for what you need, and listening without judgment. Over time, these practices build emotional resilience and empathy, transforming jealousy from an obstacle into a stepping stone for growth.

These lessons aren’t just for polyamorous or nonmonogamous people. Anyone can benefit from learning to understand and communicate about jealousy. By embracing vulnerability and seeking understanding, we can turn envy into intimacy, and competition into compassion.