Why Monogamy Isn’t for Everyone: Lessons from 'Opening Up'

Rethinking Love: How 'Opening Up' Shatters the Monogamy Myth

For centuries, monogamy has been the default narrative in Western culture. From fairy tales to modern movies, the story is always the same: find 'the one,' settle down, and live happily ever after. But what if this story doesn’t fit everyone? What if the pursuit of lifelong monogamy leaves many feeling unfulfilled, pressured, or even trapped?

Tristan Taormino’s groundbreaking book, 'Opening Up,' invites us to look beyond this narrow script. She reveals that monogamy is not a biological necessity but a social construct, one that doesn’t reflect the diversity of human desires and experiences. In fact, only a small percentage of mammal species are monogamous, and even among humans, cultures throughout history have practiced forms of nonmonogamy. The idea that monogamy is the 'natural' or 'superior' way to love is, as Taormino shows, a myth.

One of the most powerful aspects of 'Opening Up' is its emphasis on choice and agency. The book is filled with real-life stories of people who have chosen nonmonogamous paths—polyamory, open marriages, swinging, and more—not out of rebellion, but from a place of honesty and self-discovery. These individuals and couples share how they negotiated agreements, faced jealousy, and ultimately found deeper trust and connection.

Taormino doesn’t shy away from the challenges. She acknowledges that nonmonogamy requires emotional intelligence, excellent communication, and a willingness to confront insecurities. But she also shows that these skills are valuable for everyone, monogamous or not. By encouraging self-reflection and open dialogue, 'Opening Up' empowers readers to question inherited norms and design relationships that truly fit their needs.

The book also debunks common myths. Nonmonogamous people are not less committed or more dysfunctional than monogamous ones—in fact, many report higher levels of satisfaction and growth. Safer sex, legal considerations, and parenting are addressed with practical advice, making this a comprehensive guide for anyone curious about alternative relationship models.

Ultimately, 'Opening Up' is a call to authenticity. It asks us to consider: What do we really want from love and partnership? Are we willing to question the stories we’ve been told, and write our own? For those who feel the monogamy script doesn’t fit, this book offers hope, guidance, and a sense of belonging in a diverse community of lovers and dreamers.