Why Feeling Small Is Actually the Key to Feeling Free: The Psychology of Narrow Places

Have you noticed how sometimes the smallest feelings can feel like the biggest walls? Grasping, aversion, and delusion are three root hindrances that shrink our emotional world, making us feel trapped and powerless. Yet, paradoxically, recognizing these states is the gateway to freedom.

Grasping is the relentless craving for more—more comfort, more approval, more certainty. It drives addictive behaviors and endless dissatisfaction. Aversion pushes us away from what we dislike, fueling anger and resentment. Delusion clouds our perception, causing confusion and numbness.

Buddhist psychology identifies these as primary obstacles to peace. Contemporary addiction studies broaden the understanding of craving to include behaviors beyond substances, highlighting how pervasive these patterns are.

One powerful method to work with craving is urge surfing—a mindfulness technique that encourages us to observe urges as waves that rise and fall. By staying present with discomfort without reacting, we reclaim choice and agency.

Imagine mistaking a rope for a snake in dim light. This metaphor illustrates how delusion distorts reality, leading to unnecessary fear or missed opportunities.

Practicing kindness toward these 'beautiful monsters' within us transforms fear into curiosity. Self-compassion is the soil from which healing grows.

By learning to be with these narrow places, we begin to expand our emotional landscape, nurturing resilience and joy.

Embracing this paradox is a courageous act that opens the door to a more spacious, free life.

References: Buddhist hindrances; urge surfing mindfulness; addiction psychology 1 , 4