Why Monogamy Might Be the Biggest Lie We Tell Ourselves: Insights from ‘Sex at Dawn’

Monogamy is often presented as the natural and moral foundation of human relationships. From fairy tales to religious doctrines, the expectation of lifelong exclusive partnership is deeply ingrained. However, Sex at Dawn challenges this assumption by uncovering our species’ prehistoric sexual landscape.

For most of human history, people lived in small, egalitarian groups where resources and sexual access were shared. Sexual relationships were fluid and cooperative, serving to strengthen bonds and reduce conflict. The belief in partible paternity—where a child could have multiple fathers—fostered shared parental investment and social harmony.

Genetic evidence and comparative studies of bonobos, who share many traits with humans, support this view. Bonobos use sex to build alliances and maintain peace, contrasting with the hierarchical and competitive mating patterns of chimpanzees.

Monogamy, then, emerged relatively recently with the rise of agriculture and private property. The need to control female sexuality to ensure inheritance led to the policing of women’s bodies and the enforcement of exclusive pair bonds. This shift disrupted the communal, sharing ethos of earlier times and introduced new social tensions.

Modern relationship struggles—jealousy, infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction—can be traced back to this cultural imposition conflicting with our evolved predispositions. Recognizing this helps us question traditional models and explore alternatives that honor human nature’s complexity.

By understanding the evolutionary roots of human sexuality, we gain the freedom to design relationships based on honesty, flexibility, and mutual respect rather than outdated cultural myths.

Sources: Four Minute Books summary, Wikipedia, Blinkist summary, Instaread insights 1 3 4 2