How You Invite the Conflict You Hate: The Surprising Truth About Collusion

Have you noticed how sometimes conflicts spiral out of control, with each side blaming the other, yet both seem trapped in the same destructive dance? In conflict, we often become active participants in the very problems we complain about.

This dynamic is known as collusion—a cycle where both parties, consciously or unconsciously, provoke the behaviors they despise in the other. Each negative action invites a retaliatory response, escalating tension and deepening divides.

Collusion spreads as people recruit allies, share stories of mistreatment, and reinforce negative perceptions. This expansion transforms personal disputes into organizational silos, family rifts, and societal polarization.

Consider a couple locked in a dispute over chores. Each perceives the other as unreasonable and enlists friends or family to validate their view, intensifying conflict. Despite their efforts, the problem grows, fueled by mutual provocation.

Breaking free requires recognizing your own role in the cycle. Awareness empowers you to change your responses, step out of the pattern, and choose peace.

Conflict is not a battle to be won but a dance to be changed. By altering your internal attitude and seeing others as people, you disrupt the cycle and open the door to healing.

Insights based on conflict psychology and 'The Anatomy of Peace'.