The Four Hidden Barriers: What’s Really Holding You Back?

How Childhood Stories Shape Adult Success

Have you ever wondered why, despite your best intentions, you keep hitting the same wall in your career, relationships, or creative pursuits? Gay Hendricks, in his influential book The Big Leap, suggests that the true obstacles to our happiness and success aren’t external—they’re the hidden barriers etched into our subconscious during childhood. These barriers are so subtle, most of us don’t even know they exist. But once you see them, you can never unsee them.

The first barrier is the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you. Maybe you were criticized as a child or felt different from those around you. This belief creates a constant undercurrent of self-doubt, causing you to pull back just when things are going well. The second barrier is the fear that your success will lead to disloyalty or abandonment. If you rise too high, will you leave loved ones behind? This fear can keep you stuck in familiar patterns, even when your heart longs for more.

The third barrier is the idea that more success brings a bigger burden. You might fear that if you achieve more, you’ll have to work harder, shoulder more responsibility, or lose your freedom. The fourth and final barrier is the crime of outshining. Many gifted people learn early on to dim their light so others won’t feel bad. But the world needs your full brilliance, not a watered-down version.

Hendricks shares the story of a successful executive who, after years of feeling restless, realized she was holding herself back to avoid outshining her siblings. With awareness and self-compassion, she began to let go of the old story, and her life blossomed in unexpected ways. Each barrier can be dissolved with gentle attention. Ask yourself: which of these stories feels familiar? Where might you be playing small?

The journey beyond these barriers isn’t about blaming your past, but about reclaiming your future. By seeing the stories for what they are—stories, not truths—you can gently step into a life of greater freedom, joy, and fulfillment. The first step is awareness. The next is a willingness to choose a new story, one that honors your true potential.