From Struggle to Strength: How to Make Room for Difficult Emotions

Why Fighting Your Feelings Makes Them Stronger (And What to Do Instead)

Have you ever tried to push away anxiety, only to find it returning with even greater force? Or distracted yourself from sadness, only to feel it lurking beneath the surface? In 'The Happiness Trap,' Russ Harris explains why our instinct to fight or flee from discomfort is not only ineffective—it’s the root of much of our suffering.

Emotional acceptance, or expansion, is the practice of making space for all feelings, pleasant and unpleasant. Instead of labeling emotions as 'bad' or 'wrong,' you learn to notice them as physical sensations—tightness, warmth, heaviness—without judgment. Neuroscience shows that when you allow emotions to be present, their intensity often decreases. This is the difference between 'clean' discomfort (the raw feeling) and 'dirty' discomfort (the extra pain of struggle and self-criticism).

Try this: the next time you feel anxious, pause and breathe. Notice where the feeling sits in your body. Name it gently—'anxiety is here.' Imagine it as a shape or color, and see if you can make just a little more room for it. Over time, this practice builds resilience and self-compassion, helping you face challenges with greater courage.

Mindfulness research supports this approach. Studies show that accepting emotions reduces overall distress and increases well-being. You don’t have to like every feeling, but you can learn to coexist with them, making space for both joy and pain. This is not about resignation, but about reclaiming your power to live fully, no matter what arises.

When you stop struggling, you discover a new kind of strength—the ability to move forward, even when life is hard. That’s the heart of emotional intelligence, and the key to a life well lived.