From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion: The Habit That Changes Everything

Inside every one of us, there’s a voice. Sometimes it’s supportive, but more often than not, it’s critical—reminding us of every mistake, every failure, every shortcoming. This inner critic can be relentless, and for many, it’s the biggest obstacle to happiness and change. But what if you could train that voice to be your greatest ally?



In 'The Kindness Method,' Shahroo Izadi shows that self-criticism is just a habit—a deeply ingrained one, but a habit nonetheless. The good news? Habits can be changed. The first step is awareness. Pay attention to your self-talk, especially in moments of challenge. Notice the old scripts: 'I always fail,' 'I’m not good enough,' 'I’ll never change.'

Next, challenge these scripts. Would you say these things to a friend? If not, why say them to yourself? Replace them with kinder, more accurate messages: 'I am learning,' 'I have overcome before,' 'I am worthy of care.' This isn’t about empty positivity—it’s about honesty with compassion.

The science backs this up: people who practice self-compassion are more resilient, less stressed, and more successful at making changes that last. In one study, participants who forgave themselves after mistakes were more likely to try again, rather than give up. Another found that writing letters of encouragement to oneself boosted motivation and happiness.

Real-life stories bring this to life. One woman, haunted by a single critical comment from childhood, realized through mapping that this voice was not her own. By consciously replacing it with affirmations, she broke free from decades of self-doubt. Another used daily rituals—like reading positive notes each morning—to create a new, supportive narrative.

Changing your self-talk is not a one-time fix. It’s a daily practice. But every kind word, every act of self-forgiveness, rewires your brain and changes your world. Start today. Listen for your inner critic, and gently guide them toward kindness. You’ll be amazed at how your life transforms.