The Two Modes That Rule Your Life—And How to Break Free

Every day, you make hundreds of choices—what to buy, who to trust, how to spend your time. But beneath these daily decisions lies a deeper question: Are you living to have, or to be? Erich Fromm’s revolutionary book, ‘To Have or To Be?’, reveals that this choice is the key to understanding yourself and transforming your life. The ‘having’ mode is seductive. It promises security through possessions, achievements, and control. Yet, as countless studies show, people who chase happiness through material gain often end up less satisfied, more anxious, and more isolated. The ‘being’ mode offers an alternative—a way of living based on presence, creativity, and genuine connection with others and with yourself.

Fromm illustrates this with vivid examples: the student who memorizes facts to pass a test versus the one who engages, questions, and grows; the lover who tries to possess their partner versus the one who supports and nurtures them. In each case, the ‘being’ mode leads to transformation, while the ‘having’ mode leads to stagnation. Psychological research backs this up: practices like mindfulness, gratitude, and creative expression are strongly linked to well-being and resilience.

The good news? You can learn to recognize when you’re slipping into the ‘having’ mode and gently redirect yourself toward being. Start by noticing your language: Do you say ‘I have love’ or ‘I love’? Do you measure your worth by what you own, or by how you live and connect? Small daily practices—deep listening, creative work, mindful presence—are powerful ways to cultivate the being mode. Over time, these habits reshape your character, relationships, and even your community.

Breaking free from the grip of ‘having’ isn’t just a personal project; it’s a collective one. Fromm urges us to build communities, workplaces, and institutions that value being over having. When we do, we create a culture of growth, joy, and resilience—a world where everyone can flourish. Are you ready to make the shift?