Stop Fighting With Words: Five Steps to Persuasion That Actually Work

When conversations become tense, knowing how to communicate effectively can mean the difference between conflict and cooperation. Verbal Judo offers two powerful tools: the Five-Step Hard Style and the LEAPS communication model.

The Five-Step Hard Style begins with asking politely, setting the context, presenting meaningful options, confirming understanding, and finally, taking appropriate action if necessary. For example, a police officer calmly explaining the reasons for a traffic stop and offering lawful choices reduces resistance and encourages voluntary compliance.

Complementing this is LEAPS—Listen actively to understand, Empathize to connect emotionally, Ask questions to gather information, Paraphrase to clarify and confirm, and Summarize to close or refocus the conversation. Customer service professionals use LEAPS to defuse frustration and build goodwill by showing genuine understanding and clear communication.

These tools provide structure and calm in chaotic conversations, allowing you to maintain control without aggression. Mastering them equips you to navigate difficult interactions with confidence, professionalism, and respect.

Up next, learn how to handle verbal attacks gracefully with deflection and strip phrases, turning insults into opportunities for calm control.

Sources: Goodreads reader reviews 1 , Armed Citizens Network book notes 3 , Positive Sharing review 4