7 Surprising Ways Suffering Can Make You Stronger (According to Pema Chödrön)

How to Turn Life’s Hardest Moments into Your Greatest Teachers

We’ve all heard the phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” but what if suffering could do more than just toughen you up? In 'When Things Fall Apart,' Pema Chödrön turns conventional wisdom on its head, showing that pain—far from being an obstacle—is actually the path to deep strength and wisdom.

1. Suffering Reveals Your True Self
When life unravels, the masks we wear fall away. In the rawness of pain, we meet our most authentic selves. Chödrön explains that this honesty is the foundation for real growth and connection.

2. It Teaches Radical Acceptance
Instead of fighting reality, suffering invites us to accept things as they are. This acceptance doesn’t mean resignation—it means seeing clearly and responding with compassion, both for ourselves and others.

3. It Breaks the Illusion of Control
We like to believe we’re in charge, but suffering shatters this illusion. In its place, we discover the freedom and creativity that come from letting go of control.

4. Suffering Deepens Empathy
When we touch our own pain, we become more sensitive to the struggles of others. Chödrön’s teachings on tonglen—a meditation practice of breathing in suffering and sending out relief—show how our pain can connect us to the wider world.

5. It Builds Resilience Through Repetition
Each time we face hardship and choose to stay present, we build inner muscle. Over time, this resilience becomes a quiet confidence that carries us through future storms.

6. Suffering Opens the Door to Compassion
Chödrön insists that compassion is born in the fire of suffering. When we stop running from pain and instead turn toward it, we discover a wellspring of kindness for ourselves and others.

7. It Teaches the Beauty of Impermanence
All things change, and suffering reminds us of this truth. By embracing impermanence, we learn to appreciate each moment and let go of what no longer serves us.

Through stories of heartbreak, illness, and everyday disappointment, Chödrön shows that suffering is not something to be fixed, but to be lived with open eyes and a soft heart. Her message is both comforting and empowering: every difficulty is an invitation to grow stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.

References: Lessons from reading 'When Things Fall Apart' by Pema Chödrön 1 , When Things Fall Apart Summary 2 , Key Insights 4