How to Stop Making Things Worse: The Power of the Pause

Why Pausing Before You React Changes Everything

Have you ever said or done something in the heat of the moment that you later regretted? You’re not alone. In 'When Things Fall Apart,' Pema Chödrön teaches that the single most transformative practice is learning to pause. This moment of mindfulness—just a breath or two—can mean the difference between repeating old patterns and choosing a new, wiser path.

When we’re triggered, our brains go on autopilot. We lash out, shut down, or distract ourselves. Chödrön calls this habitual reactivity 'shenpa'—the urge to escape discomfort. But every time we pause, we interrupt this cycle. We create a tiny gap in which freedom and choice become possible.

The science agrees. Research shows that even a brief pause activates the prefrontal cortex, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. In practical terms, this means fewer arguments, better decisions, and less regret.

Chödrön suggests starting with small situations: notice when you’re about to react, and just pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Take a breath. Over time, this practice becomes second nature, empowering you to handle even the toughest moments with calm and clarity.

Whether you’re dealing with a difficult colleague, a stubborn child, or your own inner critic, the pause is your superpower. It’s a simple act, but it changes everything—turning chaos into opportunity and conflict into connection.

References: Lessons from reading 'When Things Fall Apart' by Pema Chödrön 1 , When Things Fall Apart Summary 2 , Key Insights 4