Love Worth Making

Imagine the sexual self as a small child, honest and simple, speaking a language with only two words: yes and no. This is the essence of our deepest erotic nature. Our sexual self cannot lie or pretend; it either welcomes or rejects. This purity of communication is at the heart of every intimate encounter. Many couples get caught up trying to interpret mixed signals or force a 'yes' where there is a 'no,' but this is a recipe for frustration.

Consider the common misconception that sex is just about physical friction and fantasy. Many believe that if you get the right touch and imagine the right scenarios, desire will naturally follow. But this is only part of the story. Great sex requires emotional resonance beyond just the physical and mental. Without this, friction can feel mechanical and fantasy fleeting.

Think about the most memorable sexual experience you've had. Chances are, it wasn't just about technique or imagination. It was about feeling truly seen, accepted, and connected. The sexual self thrives on this recognition. It craves gratitude and awe, those feelings that transcend mere physical pleasure.

One couple I recall was struggling because they treated foreplay like a checklist—kiss, touch, stimulate. But their sexual selves were not aligned emotionally. When they shifted focus to enjoying the moment without expectations, suddenly the sexual self spoke loud and clear, and their connection deepened.

This honesty can be challenging. A 'no' from the sexual self is often met with anxiety or attempts to coerce a 'yes.' But forcing the issue only leads to disconnection. Instead, the journey begins with acceptance of whatever the sexual self says.

As you begin to listen to your sexual self's simple language, you open the door to a more authentic, fulfilling erotic life. This foundation will support all the insights to come.

Now, having understood the essence of the sexual self's honesty, let's explore how arousal transforms our mind and emotions in unexpected ways.