The Soulmate Trap: How Romance Became a Performance and What It Costs Us

Romance was once about simple human connection, but today it often feels like a high-pressure audition. The myth of the soulmate—the idea that there is one perfect person who will complete us—has transformed love into a performance fraught with anxiety.

David Zahl points out that when your partner is your 'all,' any perceived shortcoming becomes a threat, making relationships fragile and fraught. The rise of dating apps has only intensified this, offering endless choices that paradoxically increase dissatisfaction and fear of settling.

Imagine the endless scrolling, the profiles evaluated like products, the anxiety of making the 'right' choice. This maximization mindset turns dating into a prolonged ordeal rather than a joyful exploration. Even after commitment, relationships often become arenas of scorekeeping and conditional love, where vulnerability is risky and approval is earned.

But true love offers a different way—one rooted in acceptance, forgiveness, and grace. Stories abound of couples who find deeper connection not despite imperfections but because of them. Compatibility is not a prerequisite but an achievement of love.

If you’ve felt the weight of romantic expectations, this exploration will help you see love as a journey of grace rather than a test of worth.

Next, we’ll step into the world of parenting, where performancism takes on new and profound challenges.

Sources: Amazon, Goodreads, Broadleaf Books, BeFreed.ai 1 2 3 4