Are You Letting Your Advice Monster Ruin Your Leadership? Here’s How to Stop It!

Have you ever felt an overwhelming urge to jump in with the solution during a conversation? That voice inside you—the Advice Monster—is more powerful than you think. It comes in three forms: Tell-It, which insists you must have the answers; Save-It, which drives you to rescue others; and Control-It, which clings to power and certainty.

These personas create short-term wins that feel good but often cause long-term damage to relationships and team autonomy. For instance, telling a team member exactly how to solve a problem may seem helpful but can stifle their growth and initiative.

Recognizing when these voices speak is crucial. They often arise when you feel pressure, uncertainty, or the need to prove your competence. Once you identify their presence, you can pause and choose curiosity instead.

Curiosity means asking questions that invite others to explore their own thinking. This is where the seven essential questions come in, starting with, "What’s on your mind?" and continuing to "What was most useful for you?" These questions help uncover the root of challenges and foster ownership.

But beware of conversational traps called Foggy-fiers. These include Twirling (going in circles), Popcorning (jumping between issues), and Yarning (long-winded stories). Learning to spot and gently redirect these patterns keeps conversations productive.

Replacing the Advice Monster with curiosity is not easy. It requires deliberate practice, patience, and generosity—offering silence, transparency, and appreciation to create a safe space for dialogue.

By taming your Advice Monster, you unlock the potential of your team and build trust that lasts. This shift transforms not just conversations but the very culture of your organization.