The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

Imagine yourself in the middle of a conversation, ready to help, and suddenly an internal voice erupts, eager to provide the solution. This voice, the Advice Monster, is a powerful force within us all. Recognizing this inner monster is the first step to taming it. It wears many masks: one that insists you must always have the answer, another that urges you to rescue everyone around you, and a third that clings to control like a lifeline.

These personas—Tell-It, Save-It, and Control-It—are not just metaphors; they are real patterns of behavior that shape how we lead and interact. The Tell-It persona is the loudest, whispering that your value lies solely in your ability to provide answers. The Save-It persona convinces you that if you don’t take charge and fix everything, failure is inevitable. The Control-It persona clings to power, fearing what might happen if you let go even a little.

But here’s the paradox: while these voices offer short-term wins—quick fixes, feeling smart, or being seen as responsible—they often lead to long-term losses. These are the #WinsNotWins, moments when Present You feels victorious, but Future You pays the price. Giving advice too soon can disempower others, stifle creativity, and create dependence.

Consider the analogy of the marshmallow test, where children who resist immediate temptation receive a greater reward later. Similarly, leaders who resist the urge to give immediate advice unlock greater potential in their teams over time. Taming your Advice Monster is not about silencing it but learning to manage its influence.

As you begin this journey, reflect on the moments when your internal Advice Monster shows up. Is it when you feel uncertain? When time is short? When someone challenges you? Naming these triggers is crucial because you cannot tame what you do not acknowledge.

In the next part, we'll explore how staying curious a little longer can transform your leadership and communication. This shift from rushing to advice to asking powerful questions is where true change begins.