What Do Women Really Want? The Science (and Surprises) Behind Female Desire

The Truth About Female Choice, Power, and Deal Breakers

For centuries, poets and philosophers have puzzled over the question: what do women want? Thanks to evolutionary psychology, we’re finally getting some answers—and they’re more empowering (and surprising) than you might think.

David M. Buss’s research shows that women’s mate preferences are not arbitrary—they’re the result of millions of years of selection for traits that signal resources, stability, and the ability to invest in children. Across cultures, women consistently rate ambition, earning capacity, and emotional stability as top priorities, even as economic and social conditions change.

But it’s not just about resources. Women also value kindness, intelligence, and health—and they are quick to reject partners who lack ambition or emotional maturity. Deal breakers like instability or being too closely related are nearly universal, showing that women’s choices are both discerning and strategic.

Context matters too. In societies where women have more economic power, their standards often rise. When men are scarce, women become even more selective. And in the age of dating apps, women wield unprecedented control over who they meet and how they connect.

The takeaway? Women’s desires are powerful forces shaping not just individual relationships, but the entire course of human evolution. By understanding the science, women can make more empowered choices—and men can become better partners, too.

References: David M. Buss, "The Evolution of Desire"; Bookey, SoBrief 1 4