Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience

Imagine a quiet room bathed in soft afternoon light, a toddler sitting in a high chair, eyes wide and searching. The mother’s face suddenly goes still, expressionless, like a statue. The child tries to engage—cooing, pointing, reaching out—but the mother's face remains unmoving, unresponsive. Within moments, the child's calm turns to confusion, then to distress, and finally to tears. This is the essence of the still face experiment, a simple yet profound demonstration of our deep human need for connection and emotional responsiveness.

Attachment science, born from this and other studies, reveals a truth often overlooked: we are fundamentally wired for closeness. From infancy through adulthood, our well-being depends on the availability and responsiveness of those we love. It’s not just a social nicety but a biological imperative. When the connection falters—even momentarily—our sense of safety and belonging is threatened.

Consider how this translates to our spiritual lives. We often think of our relationship with God as something purely cognitive or behavioral, but the reality is much more intimate and emotional. Just as a child seeks the warm gaze and smile of a parent, we long for signs of God's presence and responsiveness. Yet, at times, God’s face can feel hidden, distant, or still. These moments of spiritual stillness can stir deep anxiety and confusion because they touch the core of our attachment needs.

In many faith communities, we are told that closeness with God is a matter of willpower or obedience: “You’re as close to God as you choose to be.” But attachment science challenges this simplistic notion. It shows us that distance in relationship is not merely a choice or failure but often a reflection of deeper patterns formed early in life. We carry these patterns into how we relate to God, shaping our expectations and experiences.

In this journey, we will explore these attachment styles and their impact on spirituality, learning how to recognize the maps we’ve been given and the strategies we use—often unknowingly—to seek closeness. We’ll discover that God’s love is not contingent on our performance or feelings but is steadfast, inviting us into a secure and healing relationship.

As we move forward, keep in mind the profound insight from the still face experiment: when connection is lost, all behaviors aim to restore it. Our spiritual struggles often mirror this dynamic, and understanding it is the first step toward healing. Let us now delve deeper into what secure attachment looks like and how it can transform our experience of God’s presence.