The Myths of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn’t; What Shouldn’t Make You Happy, but Does

Section 1: Unveiling the Myths

Imagine standing at a crossroads, the sky above a mixture of stormy clouds and bright sunlight, symbolic of the uncertainties that life throws our way. This is where many of us find ourselves when we consider what makes us truly happy. We carry with us deeply ingrained beliefs about happiness—myths that tell us if we only achieve certain milestones, like marriage, wealth, or career success, we will be forever joyful. Yet, our minds often deceive us, leading us to overestimate the lasting joy these events will bring and underestimate our capacity to adapt and recover.

Consider the story of an old farmer who, when his horse runs away, remains calm and says, 'Maybe.' When the horse returns with six wild horses, he again says, 'Maybe.' When his son breaks his leg trying to tame one of the wild horses, the farmer repeats, 'Maybe.' And when his son is exempted from military conscription due to his injury, the farmer still replies, 'Maybe.' This tale teaches us that life's events are intertwined with both good and bad outcomes that we cannot immediately foresee. We often judge events as purely positive or negative, but the reality is far more complex.

Our brains also possess a remarkable mechanism called the psychological immune system, which helps us bounce back emotionally from adversity. Just as our bodies fight off pathogens, our minds help us rationalize and adapt to hardships, protecting us from prolonged distress. Yet, we tend to underestimate this system’s power, leading to unnecessary despair or unrealistic expectations.

Another reason we falter is due to affective forecasting errors—our tendency to misjudge how long and how intensely we will feel emotions after life changes. For example, we imagine the bliss of a promotion or the devastation of a breakup lasting indefinitely, but in reality, our feelings ebb and flow, influenced by countless daily events.

By understanding these myths and mechanisms, we can begin to cultivate a prepared mind that approaches life’s turning points with wisdom and calm. This perspective opens the door to resilience and genuine happiness, beyond fleeting emotions and cultural illusions. Recognizing that our first thoughts about happiness are often biased allows us to pause, reflect, and choose paths that lead to lasting fulfillment.

As we move forward, we will explore how these insights apply to our closest relationships, the foundation of much of our happiness. Let us now turn to the complexities of love and marriage, where myths and realities intertwine in profound ways.