Parenting: Getting It Right

Imagine sitting quietly in your home, the soft hum of life around you, and pondering the question: what is the true goal of parenting? It's a question that hovers in the background for many, but rarely do we take the time to answer it with clarity. Without a clear destination, parenting becomes a series of reactions rather than purposeful steps. This is the essence of what it means to find your parenting north star—the guiding principle that directs every decision, every word, and every moment you share with your children.

Parents often get caught up in the immediate: safety, obedience, grades, or extracurricular achievements. While none of these are unimportant, they are not enough. The north star is something deeper and more enduring. It is the vision of children who enjoy being with their parents and siblings even when they no longer have to be. This vision shapes the way parents respond to challenges, celebrate victories, and navigate the everyday chaos of family life.

Consider the story of a family whose children, now adults, still choose to gather frequently, sharing laughter and love. This was not accidental but the fruit of intentional parenting where relationships were prioritized over compliance. When parents focus solely on behavior modification, they risk raising children who behave well but keep their distance emotionally. Healthy relationships require more than obedience; they require connection, respect, and trust.

But how does a parent choose this north star? It begins with honest reflection and conversation between parents. Without shared goals, parenting can become a tug-of-war, confusing children and fracturing family unity. When parents align on the vision of relational health, their approaches harmonize, creating a stable environment where children feel valued and secure.

It is important to remember that parenting is a journey with no reverse gear. Mistakes made cannot be undone, but a clear direction can help course-correct and guide future steps. Choosing your parenting goal consciously ensures you are not drifting but steering purposefully toward a meaningful destination.

As you embrace this vision, you also commit to maintaining your unique role as a parent. The relationship you have with your child is not the same as the one they have with you. You are the adult, the guide, the authority. This distinction is crucial. Arguing with your child or blurring boundaries can weaken your influence and confuse the relational dynamic. Staying in your parental seat, even when it's challenging, preserves safety and fosters respect.

In this journey, you may face moments of doubt—wondering if you are doing it right. But holding fast to your north star, the relationship, will help you navigate the storms. Children like Garrett, who express themselves loudly and passionately, may challenge boundaries, but when parents remain steady, those children learn that respect and connection coexist.

As we close this chapter of our story, let us hold tightly to the truth that the goal of parenting is not perfection but relationship. It is the joy of knowing that your children choose to be with you, not because they have to, but because they want to. This is the north star that will light your path through the years ahead.

Next, we will explore how to navigate the evolving stages of parenting, each requiring a different approach to guide our children toward independence and lasting connection.