Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life

Imagine yourself driving home after a terrible day, distracted and on autopilot, when suddenly you cut off a large man in traffic—not once but twice. The man, furious, forces you off the road and pounds on your window, screaming obscenities. Instinctively, you might expect to argue back or flee, but instead, you do something surprising: you roll down your window and calmly say, "Have you ever had such an awful day that you're hoping someone would just put you out of your misery? Are you that someone?" This unexpected act of assertive submission instantly changes the energy between you. The man’s rage melts into concern, and he becomes a protector rather than an attacker. This story illustrates a profound truth: when dealing with irrational people, leaning into their craziness—putting them in charge—can disarm hostility and open the door to connection.

This approach may feel counterintuitive, especially in a culture that prizes dominance and winning arguments. Yet, just like two dogs fighting, where one dog rolling onto its back signals surrender and ends the fight, humans respond similarly to assertive submission. When you stop trying to dominate and instead acknowledge the other's power, their need to attack diminishes.

Interestingly, this phenomenon is not limited to extreme or rare cases. Everyday crazy is everywhere—from unreasonable bosses demanding the impossible, to a demanding parent, to a hostile coworker, or a tearful partner. Recognizing that irrational behavior is a universal part of life prepares you to meet it with strategies that work rather than futile resistance.

Leaning into crazy requires courage and humility. It means accepting vulnerability and resisting the urge to fight back or flee. But the payoff is enormous: you maintain your composure, reduce conflict, and often transform adversaries into allies.

As you embark on this journey through understanding and talking to crazy, remember this first insight: sometimes you win the battle by surrendering. This principle will underpin many of the techniques you’ll learn ahead. Embrace the power of assertive submission as your first weapon against irrationality.

Now, having laid this foundation, let’s explore what drives crazy behavior in the first place and why reasoning alone often fails.