Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)

Imagine the place you spend most of your waking hours — your workplace. It’s not just a building or a set of tasks; it’s a complex ecosystem where identities are forged, egos nurtured or bruised, and where the search for belonging unfolds daily. Work is rarely ‘just work.’ It’s deeply intertwined with who we are and how we feel about ourselves. For many, the workplace is as much a social arena as a professional one. Studies reveal that most adults spend more time with their colleagues than with family and friends. Over the years, the average workweek in the United States has crept upward by almost a month annually since 1980, and technology ensures that work follows us everywhere, blurring the lines between personal and professional life.

This reality means that the quality of our relationships at work profoundly impacts our happiness, health, and performance. Friendships at work are not mere perks; they are essential for thriving. Consider that employees who report having a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged, produce higher quality work, and even less likely to suffer workplace injuries. This is not just about feeling good; it’s about tangible benefits in how we perform and endure challenges.

But the flip side is equally important. Negative relationships, rife with incivility or hostility, can drain our energy, cloud our minds, and even harm our bodies. Scientific studies have linked toxic workplace interactions to increased risks of heart disease and slower healing from injuries, showing that the emotional shrapnel from difficult colleagues extends beyond the office walls into our very health.

We often underestimate how much mental space difficult interactions consume. One study found that 80% of people who experienced incivility at work lost time worrying about the incident, and 63% lost time trying to avoid the offender. This preoccupation disrupts focus and creativity, making even routine tasks harder to accomplish.

Yet, amidst the challenges, the potential to foster supportive, energizing connections remains. Work relationships are malleable. They can sour or sweeten over time, influenced by our own efforts and understanding. Recognizing their impact is the first step toward nurturing a healthier, more fulfilling work life.

As we move forward, we’ll explore how our brains respond to conflict and why difficult relationships can feel so overwhelming, setting the stage for practical strategies to reclaim control and peace in the workplace.