Relationships

Let us begin our story with a gentle revelation: so much of what we believe about love—about how it should feel, how it should unfold, and what it should deliver—does not originate within our own hearts. It is the product of centuries of cultural evolution, a script handed down by poets, philosophers, and artists who, in the last 250 years, have transformed the landscape of love. We swim in the waters of Romanticism, often unaware that its currents direct our hopes and disappointments.

Imagine a world before the 18th century, when marriage was a matter of land, lineage, and security. Love, if it appeared at all, was often considered an unruly force, best kept at the margins of respectable society. But then, a revolution: Romanticism burst onto the scene, whispering that marriage could be a lifelong adventure of passion, that sex and love should be inseparable, and that our partners must intuitively understand our souls. Suddenly, the ordinary became suspect—who would settle for mere practicality when destiny beckoned?

These new ideals were beautiful, but also perilous. Romanticism set expectations so high that even the happiest unions can feel like failures by comparison. We are told to expect a soulmate who is best friend, lover, co-parent, and spiritual guide; to never desire anyone else; to have endless, mutually satisfying sex; and to intuitively understand and be understood, without the need for awkward words.

Yet, as we will discover in the chapters ahead, these expectations are not only rare—they are often impossible. The disappointment we feel is not a sign of our personal inadequacy, but of the impossible script we have been given. Knowing this can be a balm, a gentle release from the guilt of not living up to an ideal that was never truly ours to begin with.

As we travel further, we will see that love is not merely a feeling, but a skill—a set of attitudes and practices that can be learned, refined, and cherished. We need a post-Romantic vision, one that honors hope but grounds it in reality, that values communication, compromise, and the beauty of imperfection. Let us step together into this new landscape, where love is not a matter of luck, but of gentle, persistent effort. And as we move forward, let us ask: how do we choose who to love, and what hidden forces guide our hearts? The next chapter of our journey awaits…